he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
