were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
