My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
