last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
