There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
