I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
