I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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