From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't deserve a penis
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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