Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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