He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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