Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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