Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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