1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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