Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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