Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
