hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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