I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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