How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
