So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
