So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
