Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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