I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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