Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
