why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
