I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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