My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
