The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
