dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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