Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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