You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
