I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have aggressive nipples.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
