I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
