I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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