Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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