It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
