I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
