it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
