"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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