What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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