I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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