I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
