So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
