worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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