do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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