I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
