is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
