You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I party with great urgency now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
