I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
