dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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