nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
