Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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