Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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