I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
