Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
