That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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