If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I intend to get homeless drunk
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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