i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
