I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
