Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
