Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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