how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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