I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
