Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
