Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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