I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize