I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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