I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
