Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
