Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
