I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
