Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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