Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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