So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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